Few people deny that divorce is a source of grief. Most are quick to acknowledge that divorce is hard on children. The children often are too young to understand what is happening, and even teens are upset and saddened by the divorce of their parents. Less often considered, though, is the impact on the two adults involved in every divorce – the spouses. No one gets married thinking the union will end in divorce – until death do us part, right? Divorce has been compared to the death of someone close to you. So, how do you deal with that grief?
How Should You Deal With Grief After Divorce?
No one starts out wanting to get divorced. Getting divorced is like losing, and no one likes to lose. But this is not some sports contest. Getting divorced means you just lost one of the most important activities you ever will engage in – marriage to someone you thought was your soul mate.
It is not quite like the death of a loved one because the person you loved is still there. However, you might no longer love them, or perhaps they no longer love you. The loss is real and, most often, permanent. There are widely recognized stages of grief, and they apply to any situation that causes grief, including divorce. They include:
• Denial: Pretending nothing is wrong often is the first attempt to deal with something that is very wrong.
• Anger: This is progress of a sort since you recognize you have suffered a loss, but you still are angry about it.
• Bargaining: This often involves telling yourself – or your ex-spouse – that you can fix this with another chance.
• Depression: This involves the realization that nothing you once had is coming back.
• Acceptance: At this point, you’re finally OK with the end of your marriage.
How do you get to acceptance? You have to recognize that your marriage is over, for starters. Get past those first four stages. Divorce happened. It is OK to grieve about it. Spend time with people who support you and let them do that. Do not waste time and energy being mad at your ex – there is almost no question you bear at least some of the blame. Let your kids know that you are sad about the divorce, but do not let that become the centerpiece of your relationship with them.
Do not rage or cry in front of them – just be a loving parent. Figure out the future you want and start moving toward that future. Do not date until you are ready – and that will take longer than you think – and do not dismiss the idea of professional help. You cannot do this alone.
If You are Facing Divorce, Talk to the Maryland Divorce Lawyers Of Guzman-Salvado Today
“Death do us part” is not what it used to be. Many marriages end in divorce, and divorce is a difficult thing for everyone involved, including the adults. If your spouse has filed for divorce, or you are considering doing so, do not dismiss the likelihood that you will experience grief during and after the process. You should talk to the Maryland divorce lawyers from the Law Offices of Sandra Guzman-Salvado. Contact us online or at (301) 340-1911 for a consultation at our Rockville offices. We also deal with cases in Anne Arundel, Frederick, Howard, and Prince George’s counties.