Posts Tagged ‘divorce attorney’

It’s Their Way or the Highway: Co-Parenting with a Narcissist

Parents fightingYou have heard it one too many times. You have dealt with their selfish comments, their inability to apologize and their abusive, harsh words. It makes parenting so much harder than it needs to be. When narcissism takes over, simple conversations can become unbearable and non-productive. Co-parenting with a narcissistic ex-spouse may be one of the most difficult things you have to go through, but you must rise above it. The first step to understanding how to co-parent with a narcissistic ex-spouse is to recognize the symptoms.

“Narcissism is the personality trait of egotism, vanity, conceit, or simple selfishness.” [1] A child with narcissistic parent, “…realizes early on that he exists to provide a reflection for the parent and to serve the parent, not the other way around.” [2] Everything they do must fit perfectly into the mold the parent originally intended for them. A narcissistic parent often times competes with the child and belittles them when their superiority feels threatened. The relationship becomes damaged and, often times, leaves the child feeling unloved. It is important that the child has at least one stable parent who continues to show love and selflessness to the child regardless of how the other parent behaves.

Symptoms of a Narcissistic Parent

These characteristics help to identify a person with a narcissistic personality:

  • Lacks empathy or care for others
  • Is often arrogant and portrays haughty behaviors
  • Demands constant admiration
  • Has an inflated sense of self-importance, often exaggerating their achievements
  • Provokes and baits you
  • Belittles others in an attempt to reassure their own self worth
  • Denial about painful circumstances or of their own narcissism
  • Intimidation of others with similar or more advanced talents or achievements
  • Sense of entitlement
  • Often times lies or over exaggerates to prove a point

How to Co-Parent with a Narcissistic Ex-Spouse

There is no winning with a narcissist, only coping. The most important thing to remember is that your child needs a stable role model to set a proper example.  Regardless of how your ex-spouse acts, you can control how you respond and deal with the conflict. Below are a few very important tips for co-parenting with a narcissist.

  • Limit contact and decrease emotional connection.
  • Get everything in writing. Promises not kept about paying child support and so on can be used in court to prove irresponsibility.
  • Avoid conflict and keep your conversation only about the children.
  • Keep firm boundaries. “Your boundaries will provide the consistency that you and your children need to be healthy.” [3]
  • Do what is best for your children regardless of the effects it has on your ex-spouse.
  • Make up for the narcissist’s neglect and give your child the reassurance and love they need.
  • Be a good role model for your child and also encourage their interests.
  • Try parallel parenting: “Parallel parenting allows both parents to make decisions regarding the children when the children are under their care.” [3]

Although challenges may never seem to stop, your child needs you to be the strong, stable parent.  They need encouragement, reassurance and support from at least one of their parents.  In doing so, they will not only succeed in life, but thrive. Remember that, when dealing with a narcissistic ex-spouse, it is important to refrain from retaliating as this can be used against you in court.  Adhering to these guidelines as much as possible, and putting agreements in writing, will make it easier for your attorney or lawyer to present your case to the judge.

 

Sources:

[1] Divorced Moms, “Is Your Child Being Emotionally Abused By Your Ex.” http://divorcedmoms.com/articles/coparenting-with-a-narcissist-what-to-do-when-your-children-are-being-emotionally-abused- (May 10, 2016).

[2] Psychology Today, “Narcissistic Parents’ Psychological Effect on Their Children.” https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201405/narcissistic-parents-psychological-effect-their-children (May 1, 2014).

[3] Love to Know, “Co-Parenting with a Narcissist.” https://family.lovetoknow.com/co-parenting-narcissist


Disclaimer:
We are pleased to communicate with you concerning your family matters. However, if you communicate with us through the web regarding a matter for which our firm does not already represent you, your communication may not be treated as privileged or confidential, and shall not be deemed to create an attorney/client relationship. Furthermore, you should not provide confidential information to anyone at our law firm in an e-mail inquiry or otherwise unless we have first entered into a representation agreement. By continuing to our website you are deemed to have agreed to these terms and conditions.

The Emotional Ride of Infidelity

infidelityIn today’s society, couples get married for a number of different reasons. Some of these motivators include finances, companionship, to have children and of course, for love. Although any of these might provide the initial incentive to walk down the aisle, it doesn’t always guarantee a happy ending. A study done by the Associated Press, “Journal of Marital and Family Therapy,” indicates that 41% of all men and women will cheat on their spouse. [2]

If you are dealing with infidelity then your most pressing question is, “How can I understand my feelings and move towards a solution?” In order to heal from the pain you are feeling, you must first understand this pain is much like grieving from the loss of a loved one and you will encounter many emotional stages in the process.

The Stages of Dealing with Infidelity

Let’s take a look at the different stages you may go through and how to move forward:

Stop. This is probably the most important step. At this point you probably just found out about the deception. You may be in denial and it’s hard to believe this has even happened. You may have moved on to anger and are feeling resentful towards your spouse. Let yourself be angry, cry and scream even. It’s okay to feel this. However, it’s important not to make any irrational decisions and give yourself enough time to process it. [1]

Reflect. Now that you have probably calmed down, you are most likely feeling confused and desperate for an answer. You may start asking yourself what has brought your spouse to this point.  You may start looking to yourself to see if you have neglected a fundamental need of your spouse. It is very easy to get depressed and blame yourself. However, do not blame yourself or stay in a prolonged depression. Everyone is responsible for their own actions and you should believe that it is not your fault and that you will get through this. Do what you need to do to get over feeling depressed. That can involve talking to family and friends, seeing a therapist/psychologist, getting back in touch with your church or temple, and its members, and/or medication based on the recommendations of your psychologist.

Accept. This has happened and there’s no way to pretend it hasn’t. Understand that this will be a journey, a process, and there is no easy fix. Analyze your feelings and prepare to take action towards a solution.

Ask. By this point you will have tons of unanswered legal questions. Our Law Offices at Sandra Guzman-Salvado can provide answers and options in order to move forward. Understand that your spouse may not agree that he/she has done something wrong or even understand how you may be feeling. However, if you and your spouse are willing to talk, you can talk about how you will move forward separately.

You should discuss what will happen with the children, home, cars, accounts, support for the child or children, support for yourself, property, and anything of value. If you are able to reach agreements about these things, we can draft a Separation and Property Settlement Agreement. This will save a lot of time and money for both of you, and it will make it easier to move on.

If you hire our firm to draft the separation agreement, your spouse will receive a copy of the agreement and he or she can take that to any other attorney to review before signing. Your spouse can simply sign it before a notary with you, after you, or before you. This document, fully executed, will be filed with the court once the divorce is commenced. You should expect the legal process to be much less time consuming and expensive if you go this route.

If the communication between you and your spouse is not possible, you may consider simply filing for divorce, custody, and support. In Maryland, you do not have to be living separate and apart to file for divorce if you have sufficient evidence that adultery occurred. Although the case may start out contested, it is possible that the case will settle once your spouse has the chance to discuss the issues with an attorney, been advised, or when opportunities to settle the case present themselves. Generally, once a litigant realizes how much time and money is involved to litigate a highly contested case, he or she realizes that it is not worth prolonging a resolution.

If you decide you would like to pursue a divorce, based on adultery, proof of adultery may include but is not limited to:

  • Pictures and videos of your spouse with the other person being affectionate with each other, or coming out of a hotel together
  • Emails where they reference their last or upcoming encounter
  • Witnesses that have seen them together
  • Admissions from your spouse via text or voicemail message
  • Receipts for purchases to another person
  • Proof of travel to a destination where the lover resides

Move On. Even though your world may have turned upside down by this point, it doesn’t mean your future can’t be great. Going through trials can be painful, but you can always learn from pain. If you have decided to proceed with litigation, you should know that there is still a future ahead of you and adventures await you even if it does not feel like you will ever recover.

 

Sources:

[1] About Relationships, “How to Cope When You’ve Learned Your Spouse Is Unfaithful.” http://marriage.about.com/cs/infidelity/ht/unfaithful.htm (March 10, 2016).

[2] Statistic Brain, “Infidelity Statistics.” http://www.statisticbrain.com/infidelity-statistics/

[3] Psych Central, “The 5 Stages of Loss and Grief.” http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/  (October 6, 2015).

Disclaimer:
We are pleased to communicate with you concerning your family matters. However, if you communicate with us through the web regarding a matter for which our firm does not already represent you, your communication may not be treated as privileged or confidential, and shall not be deemed to create an attorney/client relationship. Furthermore, you should not provide confidential information to anyone at our law firm in an e-mail inquiry or otherwise unless we have first entered into a representation agreement.  By continuing to our website you are deemed to have agreed to these terms and conditions.